i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
