I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
