i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
