sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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