i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
