If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
