Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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