i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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