How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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