every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
