i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
