Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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