You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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