So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
