with your own penis?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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