Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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