I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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