How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So. Much. Porn.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
