'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
