david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
