There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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