its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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