i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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