I can text with my tongue
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
