I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
