Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
