why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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