well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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