you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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