The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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