Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
