I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
