Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
