you didnt know i had herpes?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
