I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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