Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My liver just broke up with me...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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