2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize