your parents love me but you hate me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
