i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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