dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
