Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
