Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
why is half of my head shaved?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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