So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
