I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
