i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
