Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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