She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
