Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
