College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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