chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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