mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im six kinds of drunk right now
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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