can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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