How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
