Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
