If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
