apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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