Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
