You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
