It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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