My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
