And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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