$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize