Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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