Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
