Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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