Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
