i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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