I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
